NOFX - The Obsession and Why I Have No Life.

It has been many, many years since I first picked up ( stolen actually from a kid at school ) the album "Pump Up The Valuum" by NOFX. I have owned and lost a total of more than 6 or 7 albums since then. Here recently I have began an endeavor to collect albums by NOFX. Not just one or two here and there, but as many as financially possible. I even on this very day of thinking up this post, have purchased a 7" vinyl album titled "Timmy The Turtle". Two songs, 30 something bucks, and a huge smile across my face ( an even bigger one once the dealer reply's back to my order currently pending ).

Allow me to hit the rewind button and back-track to the first time I slid "Pump Up The Valuum" into my 5 disc mega-huge cd changer stereo that was also a entertainment center shelf that neatly held my Nintendo 64 aloft. Just as well this isn't a review of NOFX at all.. this is a review of my life as I am currently dealing with my NOFX obsession ( i'm not really dealing with it i'm actually promoting it at the cost of minor abrasions to my already constantly complicated relationship status ). Let's just say the whole album had me begging for more, especially after lucky track number 7. "Louise". "She had to walk with a silicon cock stickin' in her ass and one in her cunt.". This track's opening line showed me how much better music could be than just listening to my dad's old AC/DC and Eagles tape cassettes. I told my mom I needed money later that week for school, when I really needed it to pick up the next album in my collection that I do not own anymore. "Punk In Drublic ". This only furthered my desire to own more of the music I have such fondness for.

I was learning new curse words from these guy's that even the redneck influenced hick kids around the slum town of Bainbridge, GA could even think up. I was always socially awkward and kept more to myself. You'd never catch me in any kind of after school activities, not only because we couldn't afford them, but because I didn't want to be around other kids that were complete cock-fuckers and in south Georgia there are and were plenty to be found. I stayed to myself until high school where I pretty much had no choice but to mingle with some group of kids. By this time I had been introduced to the internet and found out about many other bands, mostly metal and punk bands. I also gained more self-confidence through my small group of friends towards the end of high school by fighting and sparring with them in the middle of the gym like a handful of retards. With punk and metal rifts and lyrics rolling through my head I fought and played hard with these guys. Smashing up abandoned buildings and lighting shit on fire after school. Doing normal stuff to us. At the end of my time in high school, I lost both albums by NOFX but downloaded them on my parents computer. So even though I lost the original copies I had, I kept burning them, and a few others I'd found on the net onto replaceable blank CD's.

My next track through the twisted memories and experiences brings me to joining the Navy. Accelerating my life. That's all bullshit.. it's more of a complete and utter kick in the pants to jump-start your life by dragging you through shit, in my case literally. I ended up taking a break from the metal and punk music and dove into what I thought was something that I had roots in. I was wrong there though. I ended up listening to country music. The full monty. My relatives who lived just three hours away where I planned my weekend escape, and just as well were my friend Colby Johnson planned his escape as well, ended up turning me into something ( a hickarican ) that I would end up having to explain and gain the understanding of people around me later, when I decided to drop the pseudo redneckish bullshit profile I was starting to adapt to to suit the people around me and not myself. Drinking the bud-light and listening to country music was very awkward to me inside but pleasing to others around me. I figured this out later in my Navy career and started my transition back into my punk roots after a good friend of mine taught me more about punk than I could ever think possible ( not really, we just got wasted and listened to any and everything on our shitty old ipods ).

Since I've been out ( of the Navy ) I've owned and lost a few albums by my favorite band. It's not because I don't try to take care of my stuff, it's just that I got too drunk and probably kicked them out of my or someone else's vehicle floorboard, or kicked underneath the seat and never found. I eventually changed my music preference to suit a few women, and stopped buying albums by NOFX altogether. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Getting onto the deep obsession I have with owning NOFX vinyl.. I can't spend an unemployed day without wanting to look at all the vinyl I don't own that NOFX has pressed. It is damn near impossible to think about all that wonderful colored array of vinyl without wanting to immediately head to fatwreck.com and day dream about having a full on double complete collection of NOFX rarities. I've been told I would stalk fat mike and the NOFX crew if I moved to California. This may be true, but I don't believe I'd be too creepy about it. It's not like I have a NOFX dildo or anything... for fucks sake, that would just be weird. Moving into my recent purchases concerning this obsession, I currently have about 8 albums on vinyl and have more on the way.

When "The Longest EP" was advertised by fatwreck.com as releasing on August 17th ( my birthday ). I knew I had to have this album. It wasn't the best decision to make seeing as I was already overdrawn by 16 bucks in my banks account. Yet, I did not hesitate to click "confirm order ". It turned out in my eyes , to be a great investment. I have checked e-bay and the color combination that I have, pink and gold, ( fuck you pink is cool.... goddamnit ) is the highest valued. It sells for a whopping 65 or more dollars, easy. With that being said, I don't plan on putting my rarity up for auction at all. It looks much better in person, and as soon as I get a turn-table i'll play it as well. With all this being said, one could say that I have a definite obsession with NOFX and owning the vinyl albums they have put out. Some may call me nerdish, retarded, or even gay for obsessing so much over some loser punk band that sucks. I have no rebuttal to that. I'll just own more shitty vinyl than you.

P.S. - Fuck you arseholes.