What I think, I think.

So, sitting here with nothing at all to do, because of my current unemployed status, gives me plenty of time to think on things that are, well, thoughtful. I debate with myself constantly about different things all the time. Fighting an endless mind debacle that continues even now as I write this post. First off I have to point out the weak spots of my own critical thinking skills. First, I am very, very limited in my attention span. Second, I am pretty slow on brain registry on things said to me in person. I have to slow down and think about what was just said and then respond. Usually my initial response to these things I have to put thought into is a automated, "huh".

As I get older I realize that my brain has become more accepting of information. My ability to retain the information thrown at me is much greater than when I was in high school. This is what gives me the drive to put my brain back into school on the navy's expense. I guess the drive to learn and better myself has finally become self-aware. It's been there, yet, it has been dormant. I know now that I truly want better. Better housing, financial stability ( no more paycheck to paycheck shit ), location ( the "simple" life only carries you so far ), and overall a better Me. I have someone who I care about bettering myself for as well, no, two people. I have failed (or just gotten a bad luck streak) at just about everything I've gotten myself into so far in life. I joined the navy right out of high school, didn't get the exact career I wanted out of it, yet found something better some of the best friends anyone could ask for.

I didn't set any goals while I was in though, I just penciled in random answers on every advancement test and got out at the end of my enlistment. I got a shitty job working for Ironwood Construction, yet again top of the food chain stuff huh? There too, I did absolutely nothing to further myself. I collapsed a lung and got laid off from that job. I lost a car ( 2004 Pontiac GTO ) and dated a notorious whore of a girlfriend named, no mercy here, Kory Hall/Faircloth. I assumed my prestigious job at Directv, as a cable running, trench digging, RG-6 maniac ( my drive lasted all of 6 months or so ) until I tore my ACL "on the job". After returning to work after 7 month's of rehabilitation from a complete ACL reconstruction. I found myself lacking in the physical stamina department. Got laid off several month's later for being a good person ( basically ). I've been unemployed since Dec 14th of last year. Around the same time I lost another girlfriend, and ended up doing a little arm carving for attention ( very dumb move there, it doesn't help and it hurts, it's also very, very messy. Basically don't try it ). Went to therapy for my depression and anger management and came out on top of everything, feeling like i'm a brand new person. Mainly because of a certain refreshing personality who I spend the majority of my time with while i'm doing alot of nothing. Jenniy. I can't thank her enough for being so kind and loving ( and having so much patience, haha ).

I've enjoyed this vacation from the normal. Especially, when directv has to pay for my unemployment. That just made this all the better. Now, seeing all this your probably thinking, damn this guy got a raw deal. Yes, yes i did. I've got a hell of a lot to think about these day's. I.E., what I want to do for school ( basically my entire life ). I know for sure I want to help jenniy open her music extravaganza bar. But the things I love doing the most, are some of the hardest to be successful at. Example one, Boxing, I love it, the sport is my complete and utter passion. Two, Target shooting. I love shooting guns, mainly handguns. Just as well I love cleaning and working on guns ( very stand-offish from my usual un-redneckish personality ). Three, facebook. If I owned my own social networking site, and it was as big and as much of a hit as Facebook. I'd do things to better this world. The millions and millions of dollars that come from owning a super-site like this, could be used to do so much better for this whole planet. It's a money pit, and I'd love to do some spelunking in it.

I also, through alot of facebook time, keep in touch with and think alot about my brother's from my time in the navy. We all went through alot together, good and bad. I'll never forget those asshole's ever. I always think about them and remember stories for just about anything that involves beer, women, and good times in general. If i'm having a good time with someone back home, I usually recall alot of thoughts from my brothers ( and a couple of sisters ^_^ ) in the navy. I have thought about re-joining. But the process and time i'd have to spend in the active reserves just to go back active, would probably just piss me off. So, I plan on using the navy for one last thing. To further my education and start building on my life and goal's.

I still sit around thinking on what exactly I can do.. I know I want to make a big difference somewhere, somehow. Not only a big difference, but a difference for the better of mankind. This world has enough bad in it. I know, I have enough bad in me. But I, myself would feel great knowing I helped the human race with, even if it's not worldwide or globally known, anything even regional to where I end up calling home would be great. The ripple effect is a great thing. I guess what I think I want to do is be more than just, the average guy, doing the average job for the average pay and the average appreciation. Some don't mind just getting by, or just being average joe or jane. Myself, I don't see a reason for it. It's fine to get comfortable but one should always strive to better themselves. Not just for yourself, but for everyone else too.

Bettering yourself for the purpose of making things better for other's and helping other's try to better themselves should be everyone's focus. We should constantly be caring and compassionate for everyone's thoughts, belief's and goals. But we should not let them just give up and be fine with just the average. Every good human being deserves the chance to make the best for themselves. some may not be as smart as others or the information may not be as easy to absorb. But with help and repetition anyone can learn anything. Damn I sound like I want to be a teacher.. but no. I've had enough trouble growing up to try and teach kids how to do it too while they sit and laugh at me because kids love to pick on people. Simply put, I'd be fired on the first day. Kids are cool in small doses but when placed around one another for any extended period of time they become a wolf pack. Vicious and i'll-tempered for any reason. Let's just say i'm not a multiple kid person. I am starting to think something along the lines of some kind of therapist. Still not sure, but i'm leaning that way. I want to help people understand things about their own mind. I find the human brain a facinating tool, that is capable of such a wide range of skills. It really is unique.

I also as most know, am a strong agnostic on my religious views. No proof, no pudding. I'd like to see more people choose humbleness rather than hate and resent towards one anothers belief's. More so i'd rather "preach" the truth that knowing any deity exists is entirely impossible and that believing such a thing as pre-destiny is just as good as believing everything miss cleo says to you over the phone. Basically people life is an endless party not a fucking punch-card with stern rules and regulations. You choose what's best for you, not some book, not some invisible friend, nor the mind-numbing media that is mainstream television, telling you exactly what you think you want to hear, because of your up-bringing or regional culture or social style. Better yourself and strive to encourage others to better themselves constantly. Negative ( emo ) thinking is fucking saddening. America was a great country, it still can be if we choose to make it better. No amount of prayer ( or as i call it, hoping it were so ) or bitching is going to change a damn thing. Teaching ourselves and the next generation factual, rational, and moral thinking is the only choice we should consider. Think on it people.. I do everyday. I guess this is what I think, I think, for now, the future truly is unwritten isn't it Joe? This one's for you, but more so for everyone else.. because that's what you wanted brother. Would have been great to have met and known you Strummer man rest in peace, I know it's hard when the world is so turbulent right now. Know your rights people.

Perceptually yours,

Velez

P.S. - If anyone didn't get that last part. The late Joe Strummer was a great artist, musician, and humanitarian. I hope one day only to be able to do my part to make this place better, because through him and his music I have learned alot about myself and how everyone should live in Silver and Gold.. before we get too old and wither away.. celebrate life people. This post my first on my blog is dedicated to Joe. Again rest in peace man. You did your part in my eyes, i'll do mine now thanks to you. Just as well thanks to Jason ( he know's who he is ) without that dude, I probably never would have heard Joe's message. Go get the house on the hill with the white picket fence bro. You've earned it ( and still are earning it ). I've got a few more years of work to do. Last of the true.